Annual Riverwalk Psychic Fair Starts Next Week
The world-famous San Antonio Riverwalk has long been a magnet for the strange and unusual, and if you’ve been receiving premonitions about something exciting about to happen, that would be a vision of the upcoming Annual Psychic Fair. The July festival, which only takes place in years containing prime numbers or the derivative circumference of a small circle, guarantees fun and mystery for visitors of all ages, at least that’s what the crystal ball in the Visit The Riverwalk offices is showing.
At last year’s festival, local Mystic and riverboat driver Steve Garcia correctly predicted a win for the Spurs in the NBA between 2013 and 2015, and that roadwork construction on 281/1604 would be ongoing. Hundreds of people see Steve every year to see if he predicts another six weeks of summer and when he’s not looking into the future, he delights his riverboat guests with his ‘Guess Your Weight’ challenge (“The average tourist is around 270 pounds,” he says.)
- Jay Lopez kicks off the program on Monday with a ouija-board session to connect with dead celebrity Michael Jackson. After last year’s successful connection with Whitney Houston, Jay hopes he’ll Get It again and they’ll be more Blood on the Dancefloor from the Smooth Criminal himself. The question on everyone’s lips, whether they’re Black or White is obviously Will You Be There? After disappointing fans of his upcoming final tour by dying unexpectedly, Jay feels confident he’ll show up this time.
- Past Life Readings are available in the Henry B Gonzales convention hall all week. Last year, former Mayor Hamburger discovered he was a weasel in a former incarnation, and much-hyphenated celebrity Eva Longoria-Parker-Spurs was one of the original plumbers in the Alamodome.
- Tarot Card Readings are a festival favorite for those more interested in their current life than their previous existence. Studies have proven the accuracy of the random readings, and are a recommended way of predicting the future. As an extra incentive, the Death card has been replaced by a picture of a lucky squirrel, which can be used at local bars to receive two-for-one drink specials.
The 2009 Riverwalk Psychic Fair this year has the full support of the local Riverwalk Baptist Church ever since they found a tortilla chip that looked like the outline of our Lord Jesus Christ. Priest Mike Childs is hoping that the fair will usher in the long-overdue second coming, and is preparing a spread of local Mexican foods for the return of their formerly-crucified founder. Although it’s unclear if he suffers from any peanut allergies, they’re borrowing the table-side guacomole setup from Boudro’s so our saviour can choose between mild, medium and spicy.
In the spirit of the event, this year the exact location and times of events will be communicated by visions rather than SMS messaging. For more information, go to the Riverwalk.