Celebrate St Patrick’s Day on the Riverwalk
The world-famous San Antonio Riverwalk, with its lush vistas and verdant pastures green, is the perfect place to enjoy one of the nation’s most beloved days off work.
While sipping on an ice-cold Guinness or shooting your third Jameson this afternoon, take a moment to reflect on the deep sense of history connecting the San Antonio Riverwalk and St Patrick, its patron saint.
As multicultural as the river is today, with Caucasians, Mexicans and even some French people living and working among each other, it wasn’t always that way. When the Irish originally came to the river in 1825, settling a town called Ferngully next to the current site of the Rivercenter Mall, they were continuously chased by the indigenous tribes coming down from Austin. Labeled as “drunk potato heads”, the derogatory name comes from the practice of throwing potatoes at their enemies while drunk.
St Patrick arrives on the Riverwalk in 1845
St Patrick originally traveled to San Antonio in 1845, having traded Shamrock grown in Ireland for safe passage across Native Indian settlements, which were later donated to the American people. After founding a series of small newspaper presses, he is rumored to have created the “Riverwalk Mosaic” in the Riverwalk Baptist Church sponsored by Shiner, which is the earliest known artwork that depicts tours of the Riverwalk.
He then turned his attention to the Irish settlers, introducing them to the concept of a day celebrating his works. Originally marked with the color red, it was later changed to green due to color blindness that affected many of the Irish. Using Shamrock to illustrate the teachings of Jesus, he taught his people to grow and harvest potatoes in the neighboring fields, and disciplined those who “partook mead mightily”.
As a result, the modern Irish celebrate his day by getting so bass-ackwards shit-faced piss drunk that it would even embarrass a Mexican. Many bars now play all one of their popular bands, such as U2, and rejoice in watching their patrons getting into merry but good-natured squabbles that often turn into fights landing in the river. The native Irish cuisine, described as “god-awful” even by British standards, will all be dyed green today too for some reason.
Irish-accent translation services are available at VTR booths along the river – just bring the Irish person who’s trying to communicate and we’ll try to figure out what the hell he’s saying, though he’ll be probably be drunker than a squirrel in a vat of rubbing alcohol.
