Contemporary Art Month on the Riverwalk
Contemporaneous Art Month – or CAM as it’s known to locals and some tourists – is one of the biggest art festivals in the whole country, eclipsing many of the New York shows with its long and illustrious shadow, especially when the sun is low in the sky.
Lasting an entire month, usually June, CAM is even longer than Fiesta, showing the near-psychotic level of dedication by Riverwalkers to all things ‘art’. The theme this year is ‘the contemporary Riverwalk’ which challenges the plethora of paintbrush-pushers to make us think about riverboats and the serenity of the Riverwalk. The rules this year prohibit any artwork that is more than 24 hours old, to ensure it’s as contemporary as possible, and to prevent artists ‘picture stuffing’ the event with the same stuff from last year.
Creation and Deletion: 24-hour Digital Art
Popular San Antonio artist Kathy Hornblower has created a real-time contemporary piece of art by playing a webcam in her apartment window. “Any photo I took would have been out of date within 24 hours and destroyed by the board of art examiners, so this guarantees that I remain contemporary,” she blurted without any thought whatsoever.
Visit The Riverwalk arts editor Minton McKarkquey has banned Kathy’s work, however, for not being centered on the Riverwalk. Dr McKarkquey, who has a PhD in Contemporary Art from University of Texas on the Riverwalk, has since visited her apartment and destroyed the webcam. “We were very clear on the rules,” he explained. “We destroy everything after 24 hours, so the webcam is in direct violation and Kathy has been barred from reentering for a period of one week. I took her iMacBook thingy too.”
Random Riverwalk Book Burning
Riverwalk author Robert ‘Moonshine’ Kylestock, creator of the popular infomercial Smoke Your Way Around the Riverwalk, published a new book written entirely for CAM, called A Brief History of San Antonio Tobacco. He wrote the 750-page epic during a caffeine-fueled frenzy last weekend, during which he claimed to have “given wings” to at least 14 packs of Marlboro’s. In the spirit of not being contemporary enough, all 5,000 copies will be burned outside The County Line BBQ this coming Friday, with Robert lighting the first page with a cigarette.
The Riverwalk’s Choir will be providing an impromptu ‘God Gig’ by toning down The Rolling Stones’ less-popular songs, and $2 longneck specials will be running until the very last page burns.
Organizer “pleased” with “it”.
CAM’s central organizer, known only as @twighead, Twitters rules to the volunteers on a regular basis. The shadowly, unknown figure, believed to be responsible for guerilla art projects such as putting circular restrooms in the Riverbend parking garage, is rumored to have facial reconstructive surgery every 3 to 6 months. Genius or madman? We may never know.
His latest tweet indicated that this CAM was shaping up to show to the world that San Antonio was poised to become a universal center for art, and “that” he was “pleased” with “it”. There is speculation that @twighead may be one or more people and isn’t expected to attend.
Want to participate in CAM and have your work destroyed? Sign up for their webinar at 450 Lasoya Street, which will be simulteneously broadcasted on fax machines throughout the state.
