Fine Riverwalk Merchandise Now Available
Like one of its fine All You Can Eat buffets, the San Antonio Riverwalk just keeps on giving. World-famous beyond even Texas, the Riverwalk provides its visitors with experiences and memories that last a lifetime by attacking parts of the brain usually reserved for boring and less important things like driving rules. Now you too can own a piece of the Riverwalk and continue supporting its message of hope that has been handed down through generations of San Antonians, and will be handed up to future generations not even born yet using these products.
The bar for high-quality Riverwalk merchandise is already set so high that a riverboat could limbo-dance under it without the driver even losing his hat. Consequently, VisitTheRiverwalk.com has teamed up with award-winning designers and artists to create these stunning pieces of stuff that help show your support for the very river that has helped you and millions of others. Here’s a preview of our current selection – these are all limited editions* - so purchase NOW before you do anything else, except visit the riverwalk which would be more important.
Remember: a percentage** of all sales goes to well known Riverwalk charities***.
Designated Diver License Plate – $12.99
Make drivers behind you literally ‘spin out of control’ by informing them of your diving capabilities on the Riverwalk. All diver groups have a designated diver, responsible for retrieving shopping carts, dry wall panels and stolen urinals from the riverbed. Join part of this elite team, while simultaneously fooling SAPD into thinking you must be sober. Laugh with your traffic officer when he realizes it’s not a typo, and that another year at school would have led him to a more fulfilling career on the Riverwalk, like bartending for example. Purchase here. Or here.
Riverwalk Happy Hour Wall Clock – $14.99
As any San Antonian knows, time flies during Happy Hour and can turn into joblessness, unemployment and even alcoholism if you’re lucky. Proving there’s always a Happy Hour somewhere on the Riverwalk, you can find it using this attractive wall clock. Built from original unrecycled plastic, and finished by a hand controlling a machine somewhere, you can mount this Texas Original either on your office wall, bag, or used pizza box. Note: this clock only provides information from 3pm to 2am.
Exclusive ‘Before You Die’ Coffee Mug – $12.99
Inspired by the book 100,000 Places and Things to See Or Do Before You Die, and the entry of the Riverwalk in the top 26,000, this mug tastefully reminds your friends to Visit The Riverwalk, preferably before they die since death is the leading cause of not visiting the Riverwalk. German visitors will rejoice at the use of their beloved feminine definite article, die, providing a reminder amidst the confusion to cancel that trip to Berlin and get ‘blitzed‘ on our beloved Riverwalk instead. This exclusive mug, manufactured in a small Riverwalk-loving area in Southeast Asia, will provide countless years of service and can only be purchased by clicking the middle of the image above.
‘Not At The Alamo’ shirt – $16.99
Regular readers of VisitTheRiverwalk.com will know of our constant bewildement at the popularity of the snoozefest called The Alamo. Help remind visitors of the disadvantages of bothering with the short walk up to San Antonio’s most lacklustre monument with this shirt, designed with a thinness perfect for our glorious summer weather. Sewed together with an accuracy only possible by Vietnamese children who preferred not to be in school, this VTR shirt is perfect for wearing, washing and storing in practically any closet or trunk. Purchaseable here.
Don’t forget Fido! – $18.99
In support of the campaign to keep the Riverwalk clean, your pooch can proudly annouce to visitors and locals alike that he corks his canine crapmaker and saves his stools for other cities like Alamo Heights. This fully-washable pet garment will stretch around anything from a small shiztu to a fully-salivating pitbull, enabling him or her or it to tell the world, in English, that I don’t poop on the Riverwalk. Note: there is a fine payable if your pet does not hold up its end of the deal.
These and other exciting Riverwalk products are available at our online e-web and iStore here.
*Limited to 180 million units each.
** Zero is a percentage, according to the Math Department at University of Texas at the Riverwalk.
*** VisitTheRiverwalk.com is a non-registered Riverwalk charity and proceeds will be used to test happy hours along the Riverwalk.
