Help support the Boxes For Birds campaign today
Visit The Riverwalk is a proud supporter of a new charitable initiative to place roofs over the heads of the Riverwalk’s homeless. Editor John Klawrevir explains.
On a recent walk around the Riverwalk, I was enjoying the rabid musical stylings of a local mariachi band when a small bird flew into the hole of the guitar and put an end to the day’s fifth recital of Besame Mucho.
Despite brave attempts to coax out the lost river sparrow, he had clearly decided to turn the supersized cheese-slicer into the ultimate bird house mansion. Chowing down on another bowl of Rita’s chile con carne, I suddenly realized how this one little bundle of feathers had opened my eyes to the plight of the Riverwalk’s homeless.
The birds have been on the river since the dawn of the riverboat, yet mankind has made their survival hard. Many get tangled in the miles of Christmas lights scattered throughout the trees. Others have been used by unscrupulous members of the Angry Birds-addicted 210 Gang that infest our city like traffic cops, and end up being fired in sling shots across the Riverwalk. Even the lucky ones have been seen strong-armed by the protection racket run by the river’s increasingly powerful duck population.
You can help change the lives of the river sparrow.
We’ve partnered with a local Riverwalk carpenter to create a range of high-quality, low cost housing for the Riverwalk’s homeless. Our propriety “Bird Boxes” bring warmth, shelter and basic cable for less than the price of a dozen Jack In The Box tacos.
Simply choose your donation level and remember that every dollar makes a difference.
- $5: “Birds of a Feather” Level: this basic construction will keep a family of four safe from the elements, though may cause some resentment of neighbors with nicer Bird Boxes because their donors were more generous. You cheap bastard.
- $20: “My Bird’s a Texan!” Level: every True Texan™ knows that any large square blank surface should be adorned with the flag of the Lone Star state as a reminder to other tiny states not to start screwing with us. For a limited time, the Alamo Gun Range will equip with the bird box with a mini .22 pistol modified for claws and provide basic concealed firearms training.
- $30: “Keeping It West Side, Bitches” Level: for a more authentic San Antonio experience, this is our top of the line ghetto bird feeder with a full 8″ of real front yard and an optional car parked in the middle, presumably awaiting an oil change, service, decomposition or the rapture.
