In down economy, entrepreneurs flock to San Antonio
The Riverwalk’s Poet Laureate and part-time freelance writer for the San Antonio Informer, Maria Frimble, sings the praises of the Riverwalk’s entrepreneurial elite on paper using words.
The world-famous San Antonio with its unique Riverwalk that brings joy to millions, has always attracted talent. For this coming Labor Day weekend, Visit The Riverwalk would like to salute the Riverwalk’s workers that strive to make it a cultural and economic powerhouse, and continue to hoist it up the Texan podium of excellence to take home the Gold in the Tourism Olympics that leaves Austin struggling to reach for a bronze and people in Houston stealing the Silver medal they received last year.
The tireless heroism exhibited by San Antonians hasn’t been lost on the military, which continues to move troops to the country’s most exciting city, so they can create a ‘heroic suntan’ by basking in their reflective light. After nine long months of hard work, Labor Day provides a gratifying reward for every worker who ensures that Happy Hours run on time, guest luggage is promptly moved from front desk to hotel room, and the best Mexican food in the world is plated without hair and enjoyed by visitors without fear of salmonella and botulism.
The Riverwalk: A Magnet For Ideas
Business schools and magazines have long tried to understand the magical chemistry that draws the best and brightest to our city. Although a Harvard study has shown there is no literal magnetic effect, UT’s Business Division has speculated that a critical combination of customer service and a little je ne sais quoi create a corporate soup du jour that is unmatched and unparalleled, and could drop-kick any potential usurper back to the economic stoneage.
In celebration of this, here are some San Antonio newcomers who have drunk the elixir of success and become giddy in its after-effects, while remembering not to drive home after:
- Tom Ferriss’ Kitten Sanctuary: located slightly south of the Riverwalk and marginally north of the King William district, Tom opened his business in February this year after wondering what happens to kittens when they grow up. The 4-ounce little bundles of fur and large eyes have found that their predisposition for playing with balls of wool has made them excellent workers in a series of off-Riverwalk sweatshops that produce quality tourist T-shirts. Thankfully for them, Tom is vegan.
- Randy Pearson’s Riverwalk Unicycle Tour: after working briefly for a taxi service and then the local Segway company, Randy identified a trend that shows a reduction in the number of wheels on every vehicle. Following the debut of his motor-unicycle at the Paris (Texas) Air Fair last year, he quickly saw that one wheel was the future and says that while he didn’t ‘reinvent the wheel’, he did manage to place a tourist on top of one. “If Bill Gates put a PC in every home, it’s obvious I can put a person on every wheel,” he confirms.
- Nina Huxley’s “Ninja Experience”: Nina, originally from some other state, has taken a Riverboat everyday with the obsession that rivals some families’ desire to visit Disneyworld. Seeing the grow interests in ninjas, and failing to identify the four hidden ninjas in Hard Rock Cafe’s recent “Where’s Wally’s Noodles?” competition, she now invites participants to dress in black and navigate around the town unnoticed.
Driving the economy forward: no backing up
Almost like a Riverboat with a reverse gear, these people have shown how great ideas can be realized in a dynamic and forward-thinking town like San Antonio. The word ‘entrepreneur’ is French, and- like all things French – is dangerous, but controllable through trade embargos and a good sense of being Texan. These new captains of industry have shown the illustrious possibilities of taking an idea, massaging it like wet clay and moulding it into the green industries of the future, even if they’re not green which is likely a racist color anyway.
So once again, let us use this Labor Day to celebrate our successes. Despite the Federal Government’s attempt to murder our grandparents through Death Squads and forcibly abort every pregnancy, we continue to shine like a beacon of economic strength through the efforts of our Texan citizens, and proudly say “no” to where others say “yes”, “maybe” or “maybe yes”.
