Independence Day Events On The Riverwalk
July 4 is the day when San Antonians collectively commemorate our Independence and the defeat of Mexican troops at the Alamo in 1775. For many locals on the Riverwalk, it’s an emotional day that combines profound history, the forgiveness of an old foe, and several pitchers of margaritas. The day is so significant to Texans that other states also celebrate it, in deference to the largest state in the Union.
The world-famous San Antonio Riverwalk considers July 4 to be the shine on the pearl on the icing on the fifth tier of the wedding cake of the Virgin Mary, proudly beating out other holidays such as President’s Day and New Year’s Day, which were many designed for shoppers. In most Riverwalk schools, the official start of the year is marked by July 4, thus combining New Year’s Day on the river with the national celebrations. “July 4 is the day we celebrate our independence,” confirmed Riverwalk Leader Ted Fungburger in explanation of the syllable-heavy day off work.
If you’re wondering what’s happening on the Riverwalk for this year’s Independence Day, here’s a run-down of the highlights:
- July 4 @ Noon: the Asshat Theater will temporarily reopen and attempt to show the movie Independence Day, a stirring political drama starring Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum that shows the significance of the day through its title. In the film, based upon real projections from NASA and the Church of Scientology, Will Smith marries a prostitute girlfriend while Jeff Goldblum creates a computer virus that defeats alien invaders who are not running Windows Updates. Featuring rousing speeches and highlighting the maximum-level of asskicking available from the US military, this proves to be ideal way to start your day on the Riverwalk.
- July 4 @ 2pm – Fireworks at Starbucks Hear Music: each year, Starbucks is ceremoniously torched with large quantities of fireworks bought at 2-for-1 trailers along I-35. Visitors are allowed to set their choice of firework off in the store while hopefully purchasing a caffeine-laden beverage, and are then invited to step back as the sound of music is replaced by the blasts of explosions. The rebuilding of the store will start on July 5 in the morning.
- July 4 @ 5pm – Happy Hour at Waxy O’Grady’s. Celebrating their American heritage, Irish drunks will be attempting Irish dancing, as the audience votes for which pickled little potato peeler will get thrown into the Riverwalk! Enjoy a pint of Guinness, a slice of apple pie and slightly overcooked mozzarella sticks, only at O’Grady’s.
Whatever your plans for this year’s Independence Day, cancel them immediately and bring your entire family and circle of friends down to the Riverwalk, also known as the center of patriotism. Happy 4th!
The Riverwalk’s Independence Day is sponsored by Bud Smooth, which reminds party-goers to drink responsibly by avoiding Miller Lite, which isn’t even American.
