‘Occupy The Riverwalk’ Movement Occupies The Riverwalk
Not since the Riverwalk Baptist Church held a rally to cast iPhones into the watery depths of hell has the Riverwalk seen such an enthusiastic crowd of people ready to experience the timeless joy of a long walk on our beautiful river. Hundreds of protesters have arrived over the week from all over Texas, hearing the rallying cry of Occupy The Riverwalk through social medias sites such as Twitter and maybe even Google Plus.
Local police have been directing crowds in an effort to keep sidewalks clear after one visitor almost lost his balance and nearby bicycle cops were put on standby to wade in. Police arrested the suspicious non-white man and have since moved everyone else onto riverboats to maintain public safety.
Visit The Riverwalk journalists have been canvassing protesters for feedback. One senior from Alamo Heights said he had enjoyed hearing the history of the river on his tour around the World Famous Riverwalk and denied he was part of the subversive protest movement. “I just hope they let me back to my car soon,” he added while clearly thinking about what to spray on his protest sign. “It’s nearly twelve bucks an hour to park here.” Geez, another cheap 0-niner, acting all like they own the place.
We also talked to pub landlord Sean O’Grady from authentic Irish bar Mulligan O’Grady’s who said the protesters were ruining his business. “The police have over-reacted by putting everyone on boats,” he complained as we sipped through a cool, complimentary Guinness. “Half my staff can’t get to work and some have been on the tour near a dozen times to be sure.” Indeed, the sidewalks of the river have been totally clear for nearly three days and since the coincidental Blackberry outage, communicating with people on the boats has been almost impossible. Sean said that at times it was like the end scene in that Titanic movie which he said was on HBO a few nights back. He’s a nice guy but I often don’t understand a word of what he’s saying.
Mayor Calls State of Emergency, Maybe
The City’s Child-like Mayor, Julian Castro, was allowed a brief moment during recess to talk to reporters. Although not old enough to vote, he hinted at his personal Presidential choice – namely Rick Perry, who had apparently bought him ice cream the last time they went to the zoo.
One of his aides who is actually managing the city said that they had asked for Federal help, having no idea how nearly 1000 people are now trapped on the river. The current plan is to divert protesters up to the Pearl Brewery to await police questioning.
‘Too Close To Halloween’ Says Pastor
It’s been a tense time during the occupation of the Riverwalk, reminding some of the older locals of the occupation of Western France by the Nazis during the World War 2. Riverwalk Baptist Church has warned its congregation to engage in a policy of passive resistance of the socialists since job loss can be contagious. Pastor John Fryer is especially concerned with the proximity of the protest to Halloween and is watching events closely.
Do you know a protester? Riverwalk police are offering a reward for information that leads to the arrest of protesters – call the snitch line on (210)-BIK-ECOP.
