Riverwalk Joins Web 2.0 Revolution
Fans of the Alamo know that revolutions tends to be violent and intensely uninteresting several hundred years later, but this revolution is bringing a change we can believe in, but without the need for history lessons. It’s official: the Riverwalk is revolting, and with its revolt it brings a new version of the Internet, only known as Web 2.0. This upgrade offers a variety of important tools to aid tourists and conveners, and represents the Riverwalk’s shift from margarita Mecca to Interweb icon. It will also prevent those annoying alerts that make Vista reboot every time you take a bathroom break.
Riverwalk Reaction to Internet
In 1999, there were just 15 computers on the Riverwalk and messages to the only working email address were printed at the USPS on Hildebrand and manually driven to the Mayor’s office by a special mailman trained to read ones and zeroes. In 2000, the Millennium Bug caused disruption when the mailman crashed and the post office was temporary stuck in 1900. Today, there are almost 200 computers on the Riverwalk an increase of over 10,000% in actual microchippage – furthermore, nearly 25% of San Antonians regularly use computers when guests order drinks and pay their tabs.
San Antonio has been in a prime location to benefit from the success of the Internets due to it’s position in the country. 95% of all of the wires connecting all these computers go across the country and through the AT&T headquarters just off the Riverwalk. None of these cables goes through Austin, and savvy locals have been quick to learn about high technology, through school degrees, books and Facebook. It’s no co-incidence that the winner of the Google Doodle competition was from San Antonio, proving that the brains of our 6th graders are expanding at roughly the size of the Internet every second.
Projections show that within 10 years, San Antonians will be living in the idyllic world of the Jetsons, while Austin will look more like a combination of Jurassic Park 3 and Terminator Salvation, with their uneducated pot-smoking workforce trying to fend off robots and dinosaurs. Naturally, it’s expected that once Google moves their headquarters head to capitalize on all the PhD’s in web 2.0, Riverwalkers will be able to reprogram the killer robots to attack the dinosaurs and save the heatheners up north as an act of goodwill and a way to protect the Tito’s vodka factory.
Good News for Tourists
Microsoft has revealed that Clippy, the most successful of these products’ features will be upgraded in Windows XP 2009 to detect when visitors are trying to book a trip to the Riverwalk. Although the suggestions are still be programmed by so-called “coders”, it’s expected that guests will find it much easier to arrange vacations using Microsoft Word.
Immediately, guests to the Riverwalk now have even more to see and do, thanks to web 2.0 appearing over all downtown. The city has just completed a project that provides an Ethernet cable to every Riverboat, enabling visitors traveling on our peaceful river to plug-in their “laptops” and receive “Tweets” from the driver as they travel. The mile-long cables have been painted orange to prevent accidental strangulation of the indigenous duck population. While this trial Internet is currently only PC-compatible, it’s hoped that a Mac will be added soon.
Did you know:
- iRiverwalk is an iPhone “Application” that shows a iMap of the Riverwalk. The application has been so successful that the city may change the name of the Riverwalk to reflect its web 2.0 status.
- Twitter was named after the birds on the Riverwalk, renowned for their ‘Tweeting’. @theriverwalk is the Riverwalk’s official bird channel available on FM92.7.
- 40″ flatscreen TVs are now only $499 at Costco.com, providing a virtual reality for watching Spurs games. TVs are are yard-for-yard cheaper than wallpaper combined with season tickets, so you could buy 20 for your living room.
Well, did you? If you would like to join the Visit The Riverwalk bi-annual newsletter, please send your name and address in an envelope to VisitTheRiverwalk.com, 32 The Riverwalk, San Antonio, TX 78205.
