Riverwalk Monopoly Now Released
The shepherd guiding our beloved Riverwalk, the glorious City of San Antonio, has long shown its love for monopolies. From the single company that manages trash cans to our Riverwalk-minded carers at HEB, San Antonio has long understood that competition creates confusion and job insecurity, and may also cause homosexuality and terrorism.
As a result of its enduring campaign against the excesses of competition, we’re delighted to bring you this exclusive report that – in celebration of the success of our city’s monopolies – SAWS has sponsored a San Antonio Riverwalk edition of the classic game Monopoly.
“The Greatest Monopoly Ever”
In this custom version of the classic game, there are certain San Antonio-specific changes that have been made:
- All player pieces have been replaced with riverboats. The audio track is provided on a complimentary CD, and there is a per-game fee of $6 for each player that must be paid online.
- Railroad stations are now San Antonio International Airport, Sunset Station, the Airport Shuttle and Rivertaxi. Owning all four quadruples the rent.
- Jail time has been extended to the entire game, and there is an optional electric chair add-on available for purchases in Texas.
- Free Parking is replaced by a flat $10 fee, which increases to $30 in peak periods.
- SAWS replaces the water and electric company.
- Community Chest has been substituted with “Random Crime” due to the lack of the sense of community in real life. The 210 Gang was commisioned to write some of the cards, which include “Bus routes change – gang disbanded. Pay $100? and “IQ drops among visitors – Fiesta confused with Disney’s Electric Parade. Receive $15,000.”
- There are no hotels since building any more hotels is clearly crazy.
Individual squares have been renamed with authentic Riverwalk road names that inspire confidence and a sense of history, such as Crockett, Blanco and Nacodo…nacodoshes… or whatever. Most importantly, the premium blue properties have been represented with The Riverwalk and Alamo Plaza, though Alamo Plaza is the cheaper and less significant of the two.
San Antonio Monopoly can be purchased at reputable retailers on the Riverwalk, or directly from our website if none of those can be found.
