Santa Upgrades Sleigh to Riverboat for 2011 Gift Bonanza
As any San Antonionian will tell you, there’s nowhere more magical to spend Christmas Eve than on the San Antonio Riverwalk, enjoying a light Happy Hour beverage and basking in the atmosphere of 150,000 fellow Riverwalkers trying to photograph the lights without falling in the river. Although spending it in front of a log fire with Eva Longeria and a bottle of Dom Perignon might be marginally more magical, it’s also less likely.
For 27 years, Santa Claus has traditionally taken a break in his North Pole sweat shop and spent a few hours visiting San Antonio’s children, many of whom usually find visits are limited to 15 minutes on the screened side of a metal detector. This year, Santa introduces his hispanic wife, Santa Maria, whose stockings he practices stuffing throughout the year.
New for 2011 – Reindeer
In honor of the City’s child-like Mayor, who was visibly upset at the absence of reindeer last year, Paseo Del Rio Del Rio has partnered with San Antonio zoo to add extra authenticness to this year’s events.
Santa’s actual reindeer will remain in the North Pole to preserve energy for their annual frantic 12-hour delivery schedule. Pre-fitted with eco-friendly rocket packs, the real reindeer undertake a 200 million household drop-off like UPS and FedEx mated on speed and had a lovechild addicted to acid.
San Antonio zoo’s reindeer have also been specially trained to handle pulling Santa’s riverboat through the 3-feet deep channel. Dubbed the “Rain Deer”, these reindeer’s hooves have been placed in specially adapted latex flippers to help guide the 2-ton vehicle around the 1.8 mile aqua loop. According to their animal trainer, the zoo’s Rain Deer have been practicing for three months in Sea World’s lazy river just to get the pacing right.
In accordance with local law which states that no vessel shall use the waterway without a complete and approved audio tour, Santa himself will be reading aloud the history of the world famous Riverwalk while Mrs Claus takes last-minute requests from visitors.
Tickets selling out fast
One of the few things that happens quickly in San Antonio is the speed at which tickets sell out to parades, and Santa’s Christmas Eve parade is no exception. Unlike any other parade in the year, Santa’s parade features themed riverboats and local celebrities. The whole event will be broadcast live on public access TV and there may even be an article in The Current with a slightly edgy slant.
At 6pm, Santa himself will be greeted by Tommy Lee Jones while local celebrity Summer Glau will be feeding the Rain Deer and telling us about upcoming projects that she won’t be in. Food critic Ron Bechtol will be publishing a review of the Rain Deer feed, which consists of locally grown under-seasoned fare that neither ignites the palate nor lives up to its promise.
Tickets are priced at $10-24 with discounts for Veterans and children under 5 but have all sold out.
