Tourist Tips
Practical Tips for Tourists
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If Texas is laid back then San Antonio has fallen over: the standards of dress are so lax that even the local Morton’s will accept Ross Dress For Less. If you’re hot, you’re wearing too much; if you get arrested, you’re wearing too little.
Shorts, T-shirts, insanely white brand new sneakers and bum bags: these are the hallmarks of a San Antonio local, and if you’ve got the room for a belt buckle the size of a dart board, so much the better.
Visiting San Antonio, and specifically the Riverwalk, is like coming home from a tour of duty, where you will be greeted by a sea of friendly smiles and an ocean of history, all while floating down a river that doubles as a storm drain.
Costs and expenses
San Antonio is one of America’s cheapest cities, with a pack of cigarettes averaging $3 and longneck beer costing just a buck during most happy hours. Dining on the river is an inexpensive experience, and most restaurants offer good deals on cocktails. For example, The Country Line Barbeque offers an authentic San Antonio dining experience, with unrushed service, tepid food and restrooms that were last cleaned before the Civil War, and $5 pitchers are standard. Taxis cost around $0.40 per fifth of a mile with a flag-down rate of $3.00 per half a mile, unless you are driving from the airport, which causes all rates to be divided by 0.8.
Weather
The Riverwalk enjoys year-round exceptional weather, with temperatures ranging from aggravating to excruciating. When rain comes, it arrives in the form of a Mother of a Storm, and sometimes hail has managed to destroy streets of cars. The hail is fortunate though since Texans have no understanding of how to drive in rain, and the concept of driving “as you normally do” but with “wet stuff” falling from the sky seems to be a hard one to grasp.
When to visit
Texas welcomes y’all 12 months a year except for the parts with poor education where there are 11 and sometimes 13 months. Events pepper the calendar randomly, so there is always something to do. The month-long Contemporaneous Art Show is always a huge eye-soar, while Fiesta in April offers the opportunity to see a half million Southerners all drunk at once. Beyond that, don’t forget that Texas also celebrates the major national holidays, even the dubious ones.
How To Get Here
- Car: aim your car for a major interstate and you’ll cross the border into Texas in no time. As you head south, the growing sound of Mexican music will welcome you into our fair city. If violent rap starts to be heard, you’ve gone too far west.
- Air: one of the most popular ways to travel in the air is using an airplane. Flights to San Antonio can be booked by calling 1-885-FLY-SATX or using an interweb.
- Boat: boats can be driven up the Rio Grande and down the San Antonio river, with convenient boat parking next to the Riverwalk.
- Train: AmTrak delivers trains directly into Sunset Station from most local East and West coast destinations.
We look forward to seeing you on the world famous San Antonio Riverwalk!
