"Tribute To Country Music Show" at Aztec Theater
The historic Aztec Theater on the world-famous San Antonio Riverwalk has had a checkered history of opening, closing, construction, reconstruction and finally reopening. Like a terminal but wealthy patient whose family expect the worst when life support is turned off, and yet mysteriously surviving and keeping its related vultures at bay from pecking its eyes out one more time, the Aztec has limped from the ashes in its latest reincarnation.
After two years as a large-format theater that attracted at least 300 visitors, designers have worked with theme park engineers to combine what Riverwalk visitors love best: country music, Miller Lite and Obama. The President, known for loving country music and playing a mean guitar when he’s not fixing all the problems caused by the Bush administration, was apparently “thrilled” when his animatronic counterpart started its rendition of Charlie Pride’s “Is anyone going to San Antone’?”.
The robot version, nicknamed the “Obamatron” by its military makers, is backed up by a 15-strong band of musicians, all modeled after former Presidents. Partly inspired by the movie Point Break and partly by Disney’s similar attraction that features only dull lectures to bore children, the Aztec’s New Country Music Tribute is promising to “burn the house down”, though hopefully not in a literal sense according to shocked retailers on the ground floor, many of whom haven’t seen a live customer since 2006.
The cyborg symphony has been practicing for the last 5 days, and surprising passing Riverboat tourists who didn’t expect to see a collection of the country’s Presidents through the newly-installed glass wall on the side of the theater. Bill Clinton’s replacement ditches the saxophone in his heart-warming performance of Willie Nelson’s “On the road again”, which the former President personally requested now that he’s a roadie for his Secretary of State wife. Otherwise Presidential solos include:
- Johnny Paycheck’s “Take this job and shove it” by the recently-ousted George Bush Jr.
- Charlie’s Rich’s “Behind Closed Doors” by Richard Nixon.
- Johnny Cash’s classic “In the jailhouse now” featuring a special appearance by Dick Cheney.
Despite concerns voiced by the Riverwalk’s Baptist Church about the “deviltry” in these digital doppelgangers, preview audiences have been wowed by the two-hour spectacular described by some as “better than Garth Brooks on acid”. A temporary glitch was resolved late last week, where the Bush robot refused to sing until he’d located John Connor, and Obama’s metal mannequin interrupted Truman’s piece to lecture a terrified audience about healthcare reform.
Visit The Riverwalk has 10 free tickets to give away at the launch party on August 21, which will be distributed on Twitter to friends and family of its writers and editors.
